The key thing to remember is that it’s not simply a matter of timing, it’s mainly a matter of feeling. It’s very important you invest time in your mind, body and soul and allow enough time to feel as good about yourself as you did before you met your ex. Have you recharged your batteries and allowed yourself enough time to lose the bitterness over your break up and become the confident person you used to be? Is your previous relationship well and truly in the past? Check out the signs below to ensure you are now ready to take the plunge and start looking for that new “someone special”.
Can you speak of your previous relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the breakup? Are you still longing for him/her? You are not over the relationship if you are thinking “when I start a new relationship, it should help me get over him/her”.
If you can answer ‘No’ to the following questions, you can be confident that your life is not stuck in your previous relationship and you are ready to move on –
Do you regularly talk about your ex to friends and family?
Do you regularly check your ex’s Facebook profile?
Do you still secretly hope to get back with your ex?
Do you automatically compare men/women you meet to your ex?
Do you get feelings of sadness or anger when you run into your ex?
Do you want to meet someone new to fill the gap your ex has left?
When you start noticing the opposite sex around you when you are out and about, this is a sign you’re opening yourself up again to the dating possibilities. If you are starting to feel attraction towards people at work or other places, it’s a definite sign that you’re ready for that new relationship.
Have you noticed the relationships you have share certain similarities? At the end of a relationship, have you said “I’m never going through that again”. Consciously or not, we often have a pattern of picking the same type of person as a partner. As much as we want to learn from our previous relationships, it is very easy to fall back into that similar pattern and we start to believe that this is the way things are supposed to be, even if they don’t work out.
Breaking bad dating patterns can often be the key to finding a healthy relationship with the right person. The first hurdle is probably realising that the habit has developed in the first place and what the patterns are. It could be the type of person you are initially attracted to, they could be needy, unreliable, selfish or aggressive, and yet although it may be subconsciously, some of us continue to be attracted to this type of person. Try and break your dating/relationship pattern by dating someone you may not see as initially attractive and you may be surprised to find qualities in this person that you didn’t expect and work better with your personality. Another cause of bad relationship patterns is having expectations that are too high. Don’t expect a fairy tale, this can only lead to a feeling of disappointment in the end. Having realistic expectations enables a relationship to progress and grow and allows for some compromises, which will help build a strong and long lasting partnership.
You need to learn to be whole from within. You need to love yourself before you can find love with someone else. If you have difficulty liking yourself, you are not in a good place to start a new relationship, and you will need to work on getting your confidence up. When you love yourself as you are now, you treat people with respect and you look for a mutual connection with them. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always attract the wrong partner. If you ever say, “if only I found the person to make me whole everything would be ok”, you are definitely not ready to move on. A great relationship is about two strong and functioning individuals coming together to enrich each others’ lives.
Don’t change so people like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
As much as we hate admitting it, our family and friends are able to provide unclouded insight that we might not see or agree with, but it usually turns out to be accurate. The expression “love is blind” can be very relevant and prevent us from seeing things that others can see much more clearly. By welcoming the opinions of others and respecting how they feel about your readiness to start a new relationship, you can put things in perspective and begin to see things that aren’t obvious to you.